Do you want to create a blog that is personal or professional? This is the question I was asking myself when I decided to start writing. I love to write and always have. In the last twenty-five years, my writing has consisted of mostly to-do and grocery lists. Oh, and there was that one essay I wrote about my husband, Todd. I won first prize in an essay contest, and won tickets to see (and meet) Keith Urban. (I wish I had a copy of that essay. It was pretty darn good.) With the exception of a sprinkling of writing here or there, I spent most of my time caring and doing for others. I did not create the time to do things that bring me joy. Writing is one the many things that bring me joy.

As I started losing weight and began to journal consistently, it brought back the passion I have for writing. I began writing about Emily in my journal. I wrote about quarantine with her and funny stories of our walking adventures. I wrote about things that happened when my kids were little. It brought me so much joy reflecting on my life and past in written form. It also had me contemplating my journey going forward. What does Billie want? What does she enjoy? What fills her cup so she can give freely and openly to others without resentment? As a natural “helper”, I want to share what I have learned. I hope by sharing my experiences that I can bring hope and help to others.

When I decided to become a coach, I knew I wanted to have a blog as part of my message. I just was not sure the best approach. Do I focus on strategies? Do I share personal stories and lessons learned? First I started writing things that were not ME. I did not resonate with the message and did not LOVE what I was writing. I became frustrated and took a step back. I am not a polished and refined speaker. I do not sugarcoat the bad, but I do find the positive in any experience. I am who I am. I want to write freely what is on my mind, and have faith that the right person will receive a message that might bring them comfort or help them through a similar struggle.

I am a self-defined caregiver. I love to care for my family and support my friends. I have always put others’ needs and desires above my own. Like most moms, I want the best for my kids. I want to support my husband and family. I take pride in being a good employee. I have spent over 25 years giving to everyone and everything except me. Yes, there were short periods where I would lose 20 pounds, take a trip with just my girlfriends, or solo, but not without guilt. I always felt like I was letting down my family or my job. Self-care was always attached to guilt or sacrificing my family.

About five years ago, I began seeing the toll that caring for others, at the expense of my health, was having on both my mental and physical well-being. I was in constant overwhelm. I spent the day putting out fires. I was a victim in my life and just reacted to whatever obstacles or things came my way. I could see the damage I was creating, but I could not see a way out. I would end each day exhausted and desired an escape from my day. I would be tired and also want “me time” so I stayed up late indulging in things that added to the problem. I would binge on TV shows or snack and drink wine to “unwind and relax”. This only added to the exhaustion and overwhelm I thought I was escaping.

2019 started, I was over 50, and carrying 50 extra pounds. I set out on a journey to lose some weight. I began the typical diet of restriction, but was not willing to figure out why I put the weight on in the first place. By April of that year, I was down almost 20 pounds, but nothing in my life had really changed except the number on the scale. I was still tired, deflated, depressed, and overwhelmed. A friend of a friend suggested I listen to a podcast about this lady that lost 100 pounds, and has kept it off for over 13 years. I had never listened to a podcast. You heard that right: I had NEVER listened to a podcast. I gave it a listen, and what the lady said made sense. Her “tribe” was opening for 5 days only so if you wanted to join, I better get after it. I am not someone who makes decisions easily. I need time to weigh out everything. The pros. The cons. The financial investment. You name it. It usually takes me months to make a decision. The host and life coach, Corinne Crabtree said something that has stuck with me to this day. Corinne said, “give yourself the gift of decision”. How the heck does she know I was still deciding? I went to her website: https://www.phit-n-phat.com/ to get more information. I broke out my credit card, and said I would figure out the money part later. I had no idea what kind of cult I had just joined, but it was something new and resonated with me.

I learned a new way to think about weight loss. I was learning a new way to think period. I was being hit with some pretty heavy circumstances in my life, and for the first time, I felt I had the tools to face them, while still taking care of my needs. Caring for others and myself could happen at the same time. I was learning as I began to listen to my body and my thoughts, that I was becoming better. I was a better employee, wife, mom, and friend. I had energy again. I began to feel good in my skin.

The journey to weight loss led me on a journey of self-discovery. In putting all my time and energy into caring for others, I had lost the ability to identify with myself. I did not know who I was or what I wanted. I am still figuring it out. I am sure the journey will be lifelong, but I am confident that I have the tools to create the joy and life I want. I also want to help others find what I have found. It is possible to care for others and yourself at the same time.