What a difference a day makes, I thought. Today I feel like I can breathe again. There is hope on the horizon. No, nothing has really changed, except maybe my attitude. I chose to stay in the trenches for the past few weeks without trying to climb out. I felt isolated, sad, and overwhelmed. Embracing these emotions and never trying to shift them.
When I woke up on Monday, I challenged myself to begin working on a solution rather than moping about my problems and what seemed “wrong” with everything. I know my thoughts create my emotions, and I also know that while November was a tough month, I fueled the fire by meeting it with reactivity. The storm would have been easier to ride without adding optional pain and suffering. While I know this, I do not always do it. Once again, I disprove Oprah’s interpretation of Maya Angelou’s quote, “When we know better, we do better.”
How am I showing up differently this week?
- I connected with the Nine Extraordinary Humans (The Cabin Crew) for a Zoom call on Monday night. The positive energy of each person comforts my soul.
- I made time to connect with good friends on the phone (thank you Gail and Patti for your time to chat. Also, for your concern.)
- I had a new caregiver come on Monday afternoon as well. She doesn’t drive, which is a bummer, but she is young, vibrant, and energetic. She took Emily for a walk to the nature center and was willing to come back on Wednesday too. On that trip, they walked to eat and shop. The caregiver reported that they only toppled 2 displays with Emily’s wheelchair, and Emily loved it. (She may be perfect for Emily.)
- A couple Todd and I have not connected with much over the past few years invited us to dinner. We said YES instead of our usual NO to anything during the week.
- I made sure to give myself quiet time each morning and evening. Just a few minutes to read, write, or daydream. I read the daily passage in Simple Abundance and made time to journal also. This was my most impactful action of the week.
- I left my house. Twice this week, I ran an errand for a few minutes and left Todd with Emily.
I also made a decision to bring on the joy. I would consciously seek joy, create joy, and choose joy. Pause Breathe Reflect started 31 days of JOY on December 1st. The timing’s perfect! I committed to playing this week and laughing more and crying less. Emily and I have been playing music in the morning that is fun and silly.
Care and support for Emily have been a challenge since Covid, and it has not improved significantly, but I will stay positive. Leaning into the possibility that new caregivers are on the horizon, and that full-day adult programs will be available. The future will not always look like this. Things will change. Emily will find people and places to fill her day in the future. She will not be home with me 80% of the time, and I will get more time for myself. I am clinging to that hope and possibility.
As I write this in my cacophonous surroundings, my feathers are not ruffled, and no nerves have been hit.
When I began reading 3musesmerge earlier this year, one of Gail’s love letters was defining cacophony and challenged her readers to use it in a sentence. Of course, I accepted the challenge. I recently told her that since reading that post almost every book I have read has used the word. I am beginning to wonder if they had read her love letter too. That thought created joy. I feel my joy bubble beginning to fill again!
May this week be full of whimsy, wonder, wander, and wellness.