Writing is something that has always brought me joy. Taking pen to paper or tapping out words on a keyboard are tools I have used to process the experiences in my life. The good. The bad. The ugly. For the past several months, I have chosen to keep the thoughts in my head. Rarely have I taken a moment to spit them out. The reasons are many and include thoughts like:
- I have nothing to say.
- My words do not matter.
- I don’t have the time or energy to do that.
- There is so much noise, and I do not need to add to it.
- The world is a mess, so why bother?
- AI is taking over the writing world, and my words do not matter.
- I just don’t feel like it.
- Life is just hard right now.
- If you don’t have something nice to say,…
“The martyrdom life is not a hard sell for extreme caregivers. Because it is easy to complain and wallow in self-pity…”
My thoughts and feelings have been stuck in the muck of uncertainty and self-pity. Embracing the muck is a slippery slope. Watching a reality competition with my husband this week, I experienced a moment of clarity. The competitors were challenged to traverse a tiny wood beam holding a metal case and deliver it safely to the other side. If they were to fall off, a pit of quicksand was waiting for them. Every competitor fell. The beam was not much wider than a toothpick, and the odds were stacked against them.
The thing about quicksand is that those who submitted to it sank further down. It pulled each one deeper into the yucky muck. One player, David, explained that to conquer the challenge, you must fight to stay on top of the mud. He quickly worked to get his legs out of the mud by falling on top of it. Now horizontal embracing the sloppy brown mess, he pulled his legs out and glided atop the mud while pushing the metal case in front of him.
The longer you stay in the muck, the deeper you sink. As I logged into my website to write, an article I posted, The ABCs of Caregiver Gratitude grabbed my attention. As I read my words from August 2023, “The martyrdom life is not a hard sell for extreme caregivers. Because it is easy to complain and wallow in self-pity…” I have been playing the martyr in my life. Looking and seeing everything that is wrong. I have not been delighting in the countless blessings, joys, and gifts each day brings.
Life’s struggles have been my quicksand, and I have continued to sink deeper. Like the competitor, I know how to get unstuck. I know that clinging to gratitude and choosing joy will help me rise above the sand and help guide me effortlessly over the challenges without being dragged down.
Writing these words is a small step in pulling myself out of the muck. It will take some time to emerge completely, but the process has begun. Today, I will Choose Joy.*
*This month Michael O’Brien, founder of the Pause Breathe Reflect, is selling his Choose Joy shirt in a pop-up sale to raise money for Love Your Brain. ALL PROFITS will go to Love Your Brain which is an organization helping survivors of TBI feel whole again by building resilience through community.
I know two things for sure. 1) Helping others is always the right thing to do. 2) When I choose joy, life is smoother.
Conversation for Change 