#grief – Conversation for Change

Pearl Sized Loss

It’s just a damn goldfish. Pull yourself together. I go to the cupboard and retrieve the net. Tears are streaming down my face, and I muffle my cries. Guacamole is lying at the bottom of the tank. I scoop his lifeless body from the bottom of the tank and take him to the compost bin. “GoContinue reading “Pearl Sized Loss”

Not the Sanctuary of My Dreams

Why isn’t the joy bubble refilling faster? I thought we were writing something whimsical and fun this week? What is wrong with you? Snap out of it. (The A side of my chatter) Give yourself a break. November is already a weird month for you. You often get the blues around this time of theContinue reading “Not the Sanctuary of My Dreams”

Whimsy to Woeful

It’s quickly approaching 1 am. I am sitting on the floor in the living room, surrounded by a sea of towels. A stack of clean. A stack of dirty and a stack of—I am not even sure at this point. Emily is leaning her head on my chest, and we are covered in a bigContinue reading “Whimsy to Woeful”

Thankful for the Memories

Our memories are not confined to square footage. They are not limited to a physical boundary. Infinite storage capacity is included with our brain’s processor. Rarely do we have to delete files to make room for additional ones. Isn’t that a beautiful thing? We don’t have to decide which ones we are going to saveContinue reading “Thankful for the Memories”

Grief Within the Beauty

Grief is a part of this journey. You can be grateful for the child you are blessed with and grieve things that will never be. There is beauty beyond the grief and grief within the beauty.

Celebration Minus Expectation

I threw away the manual on milestones and expectations for Emily’s progress and achievements. I started to practice acceptance and release control.

The Gift of Acceptance

This past Sunday was Mother’s Day. In my experience, holidays often come with unexpected or unwanted emotions. Grief and sadness are the two that show up on the regular. Holidays tend to highlight or magnify the loss I have experienced. They are a reminder that my parents are gone and not here to celebrate. TheyContinue reading “The Gift of Acceptance”

Fasten Your Seatbelt

An old friend called me this weekend to check on our family. The discussion turned to the past. When Emily was a toddler, she was easily overstimulated by sounds or crowds. We were spending Easter at their home and at some point Emily “lost it”. She was crying and inconsolable. The only thing that workedContinue reading “Fasten Your Seatbelt”