There is something beautiful about starting a new year. Each year is a recurring clean slate. The past year is behind us, and a new year is ahead. I was extra excited that January 1st fell on a Sunday this year. I love to plan my week on Sunday mornings. I time block my week,Continue reading “New Year, Recurring Fear”
It’s quickly approaching 1 am. I am sitting on the floor in the living room, surrounded by a sea of towels. A stack of clean. A stack of dirty and a stack of—I am not even sure at this point. Emily is leaning her head on my chest, and we are covered in a bigContinue reading “Whimsy to Woeful”
Caregiving is the most stressful and difficult job there is. I remember when my son was born. I delivered him and 24 hours later, my husband and I were sent home to care for this precious human on our own. Our doctor and friends referred us to reference books to guide us. The manuals wereContinue reading “Caregivers Require Care Too”
I believe caregiving is the toughest job on the planet. I have had a lot of jobs, and nothing compares. The exhaustion I often feel at the end of the day is brutal. Caregivers often feel like they have no choice or other options. They could relinquish the care to someone else, but they wantContinue reading “Caregivers Need Care Too”
Caregiver burnout is a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion. It may be accompanied by a change in attitude, from positive and caring to negative and unconcerned. Burnout can occur when caregivers don’t get the help they need, or if they try to do more than they are able, physically, emotionally, or financially. ManyContinue reading “Caregiver Burnout: Understand it. Prevent it.”
How have we made it work? How has our relationship lasted for over 36 years? There is no magic or secret sauce. The answer is simply not giving up on each other. We both refuse to quit.
Grief is a part of this journey. You can be grateful for the child you are blessed with and grieve things that will never be. There is beauty beyond the grief and grief within the beauty.
I threw away the manual on milestones and expectations for Emily’s progress and achievements. I started to practice acceptance and release control.
Just in case you ever get a chance to meet her, please don’t tell her she is “just a van”. She believes she is so much more.
Friday morning came too soon. I woke up exhausted. Emily was to go to school on the bus. I knew there was a 50/50 chance the bus would not show up and it did not. I loaded everything into my car and off to school we drove. I started crying on the way. I was tired and had reached a point of breaking down. At that moment, I realized that the trip had been fun, but it was also a lot of work. Todd and I had cared for Emily for the past 18 days with no help. She had trouble sleeping. She had panic attacks during every aspect of hygiene from bathing to toileting. She refused to help with transitional walking. My hips and body were sore and stiff from long hours sitting in the car and sharing a bed with Emily. My self-care had taken a back seat during the trip and I was feeling the results.